Late hour thinkin'

Six am "trappin" at the house was something I needed. Though it maybe morally and physically wrong, it was an escape from what has been going on lately. 

Coo vibes and chill music filled the ambiance of the room. (Some typical on feeling) I was totally content with night. She was there... I tried my best to keep my overall composure but it was just these feeling and emotions pouring inside of me. Every single shared memory together is sparks in my head. The first time we held hands. Chilled together. Sharing our first kiss. The countless music festivals we've been to with our closest friends... The list goes on but I also remember the "not-so-good memories". I couldn't name them, simply because some of them are too sensitive to even think about.

That's where that barrier lies. 

Would it be love if she experiences the same "spark" as I did? 

That's me all the time.

Only when Loyalty is found is when you can build a solid foundation.

Life itself is a crazy roller coaster and coming to college, I never thought it would have been this crazy of a ride. From stressing over school, emotions, family and just everything... I'll continue this later.

October 19th, 2013 7:03pm

Before submitting a journal entry, I always reevaluate my life on how it's going. I hope there is a bright and new beginning to the memoirs of all this sadness.

It doesn't make sense to me as to why I still continue to write but it feels good; it's like someone is listening to me. To be straight up, I've been single for more than three years. I've found someone I could potentially start a beautiful relationship with but there are complications. She isn't ready. I'd love to believe were on the same page but I'd be feeding myself lies... I've done that before and look where I turned out. I'm done.

G'night

I have to keep this one short because I have school tomorrow. I should actually be sleeping right now but it is just one of those nights... One of those nights when you cannot fall asleep because your inquisitive mind keeps racing.

To be completely blunt, I feel so dependent. I don't know how else to explain it.


I miss that unique connection two people have when they're in love with one another.

Stronger Than the Average Bear

Never thought I'd be back on this writing to myself however, this time it's different... This has nothing to do with my past love but my current "fling". Choosing the word "fling"is to simply to describe the insecurity and safety of my well-being in this thing.

I've learned a lot about myself discovering that I was a substantial young adult capable of maintaining my own well-being when it came to daily life struggles as well as conquering inner feelings. Yet, when one came along, it seemed as though She slowly stripped that progressively-earned privilege of me being totally maintained. But I knew what this could have led to if the cards I played weren't right. Could it have been me being a dreamer again? Building relations with this One knowing the future complications, was one that could either make or break me because my vulnerability was now exposed. 

The quotes," Too good to be true" and.. fuck I forgot the other one comes to mind. 

Looking back at everything....

I guess I was the dreamer and She was the realist.

Would you believe me if I said I'm in love?

Welcome 2013. I am honestly ready for the best of you. After the year 2012, I have found that I was struggling to find mere happiness and I guess my methods of finding this "happiness" just didn't work... I'm living the first couple days of the new era and yet I still consider my biggest lost my greatest regret. This is by far the worse possible feeling. Let's put it this way; being in love with someone who could never love you.....

My love for you was so pure. So genuine and exclusive that everyday, I felt I was content with every possibly aspect of life, good or bad. My personal level of optimism was high and my thoughts were clear and conscious. I honestly had never felt so alive and so blinded before.

It was clear at one point in time where our relationship was going. We were so ambitious of our future together and it seemed it were only a matter of time when you'd forever be mine. I could even recall a time when we claimed that there was always a reason why "we fought like a married couple". I leaned on this fantasy we had in hopes that, that dream would shift into a reality.

We live separate lives now and were so far from where we used to be. That's what you told me and now expectations of us is only a mere glimmer of hope that haunts my reality everyday. 

So please 2013, I dont want feel the way I do now. I am only asking for progression of my own well being. I accept the things I cannot change and I accept what has been done already. I just want progression.