Welcome 2013. I am honestly ready for the best of you. After the year 2012, I have found that I was struggling to find mere happiness and I guess my methods of finding this "happiness" just didn't work... I'm living the first couple days of the new era and yet I still consider my biggest lost my greatest regret. This is by far the worse possible feeling. Let's put it this way; being in love with someone who could never love you.....

My love for you was so pure. So genuine and exclusive that everyday, I felt I was content with every possibly aspect of life, good or bad. My personal level of optimism was high and my thoughts were clear and conscious. I honestly had never felt so alive and so blinded before.

It was clear at one point in time where our relationship was going. We were so ambitious of our future together and it seemed it were only a matter of time when you'd forever be mine. I could even recall a time when we claimed that there was always a reason why "we fought like a married couple". I leaned on this fantasy we had in hopes that, that dream would shift into a reality.

We live separate lives now and were so far from where we used to be. That's what you told me and now expectations of us is only a mere glimmer of hope that haunts my reality everyday. 

So please 2013, I dont want feel the way I do now. I am only asking for progression of my own well being. I accept the things I cannot change and I accept what has been done already. I just want progression.  

But does love and science clash? Weighing out options, seeing right from wrong, or what's better and what's worse. Doesn't love conquer all, therefore defeats all other factors that seem to provoke the battle    between love and science?

Expect the inevitable, by Murphy's Law be ready.

Dear God,

Please give me the strength and will to continue. I'm suffering right now and I need your blessings. I'm sorry that I am a person with many flaws but I'm honestly trying. This past year was the most difficult thing my heart had to bear. The feeling of regret still haunts me 'til this day. Is there a bright side to this God? If there is I'm trying to be patient yet I pray for the one thing I desire most. They say you have a plan for each and everyone of us and I do believe that. But please father forgive me for my sins and recall on my prayers before... I still believe that there's hope. Help me God please. I just don't know what to do anymore and I feel that hope I still have is slowly dying. I don't want it to. She really was the best thing that ever happened to me in my life.

Hear Me Out Please.

This atmosphere is so different. I look around me, and I see tall buildings and sky scrappers. To the people that have lived here, it's so normal but to me, it's an undergoing change. I am a current resident in San Jose, attending San Jose State University. If you are following up with my blog, you can obviously see that I made a school decision (as if there really was someone on here reading my vent sessions).

Well, getting straight to the point, I'm not with Nikki anymore... I miss her to death. As of now we have no status except for saying that it's complicated. I mean COMPLICATED. I've never been in such a position. I really can't talk much right now because I have a mid-term to study for but God, if you're listening, I really need you. I need your help in guiding me. I know I haven't been keeping up with my night prayers and I'm sorry. I'm trying. I miss Nikk so much. I always look back on what we had and I just miss it. I know that no one can ever replace what we had. I've never had anything more genuine than her. Until this day, I think about her. Every. Single. Day. I'm calling out to you Lord to help me through this dilemma because I honestly don't know what right, right now. I lost something that was so beautiful and dear to me and I need it back. I've never felt and been so selfish in my life! Please Lord, I'm asking you to help me through this. Hopefully one day I'll wake up and realize what is best for me. I need you God I always need you, it's just now, this affecting me and it's breaking my heart.