Dear God,

Please give me the strength and will to continue. I'm suffering right now and I need your blessings. I'm sorry that I am a person with many flaws but I'm honestly trying. This past year was the most difficult thing my heart had to bear. The feeling of regret still haunts me 'til this day. Is there a bright side to this God? If there is I'm trying to be patient yet I pray for the one thing I desire most. They say you have a plan for each and everyone of us and I do believe that. But please father forgive me for my sins and recall on my prayers before... I still believe that there's hope. Help me God please. I just don't know what to do anymore and I feel that hope I still have is slowly dying. I don't want it to. She really was the best thing that ever happened to me in my life.

Hear Me Out Please.

This atmosphere is so different. I look around me, and I see tall buildings and sky scrappers. To the people that have lived here, it's so normal but to me, it's an undergoing change. I am a current resident in San Jose, attending San Jose State University. If you are following up with my blog, you can obviously see that I made a school decision (as if there really was someone on here reading my vent sessions).

Well, getting straight to the point, I'm not with Nikki anymore... I miss her to death. As of now we have no status except for saying that it's complicated. I mean COMPLICATED. I've never been in such a position. I really can't talk much right now because I have a mid-term to study for but God, if you're listening, I really need you. I need your help in guiding me. I know I haven't been keeping up with my night prayers and I'm sorry. I'm trying. I miss Nikk so much. I always look back on what we had and I just miss it. I know that no one can ever replace what we had. I've never had anything more genuine than her. Until this day, I think about her. Every. Single. Day. I'm calling out to you Lord to help me through this dilemma because I honestly don't know what right, right now. I lost something that was so beautiful and dear to me and I need it back. I've never felt and been so selfish in my life! Please Lord, I'm asking you to help me through this. Hopefully one day I'll wake up and realize what is best for me. I need you God I always need you, it's just now, this affecting me and it's breaking my heart.

Nobody Said it was Easy.

Probably the hardest part of my life by far. Picking a college thats right for me. My main concern is Nikki. ugh, honestly I don't know what to do. I have to pick one within the next 2 weeks. I love her to death and I see us going hella far. I want to be able to say," She's my 'High school Sweetheart'." I know deep down we could make us work. I learned from the mistakes I made and I could honestly say to myself that I'm changed and new person.

God I don't know what to do. I always go to Him for the answers I search for and that I could never find. I love you Nikki so much. I can't let you go. We shared too many memories together. It's you that I want and that will never change. I love you Nikki B.

People Are Blind from Perfection

Honestly, I'm too proud to go to anyone else about this. In their eyes, were too perfect. But inside were like any other.

06/04/10

This is probably the best place to write right now. I dont think anyone goes on my blogspot anymore.

I know what I did and I know what I did was wrong and I hate myself for it. I ruined something so beautiful from a stupid mistake. Saying sorry wont do anything anymore. From all thats been happening lately, with life,

I dont feel I should be walking Earth any longer...

Im questioning God asking him,"What is the purpose? Why is life this way?"

I need an answer

Im a slacker. I slack

Mr. Musters room for the period. tumblrs block so I guess Ill just have to use BS.

One more week 'til schools out. Finally... These final weeks are going by hella slow though. I still got hella work to make up for APUSH. Hella shouldnt have slacked this year. The rest of my classes are alright except for Algebreeh II. Gonna have to make up some quizzes. When Summer starts, Im back to school. Taking a Pre Rec. class for Fire Fighting. I probably might do World history too just cuss I had a C for a semester grade. FUN.

tumblr > Blogspot

Blogspot works on Sponslers computer.... But tumblr does >:(