Hear Me Out Please.

This atmosphere is so different. I look around me, and I see tall buildings and sky scrappers. To the people that have lived here, it's so normal but to me, it's an undergoing change. I am a current resident in San Jose, attending San Jose State University. If you are following up with my blog, you can obviously see that I made a school decision (as if there really was someone on here reading my vent sessions).

Well, getting straight to the point, I'm not with Nikki anymore... I miss her to death. As of now we have no status except for saying that it's complicated. I mean COMPLICATED. I've never been in such a position. I really can't talk much right now because I have a mid-term to study for but God, if you're listening, I really need you. I need your help in guiding me. I know I haven't been keeping up with my night prayers and I'm sorry. I'm trying. I miss Nikk so much. I always look back on what we had and I just miss it. I know that no one can ever replace what we had. I've never had anything more genuine than her. Until this day, I think about her. Every. Single. Day. I'm calling out to you Lord to help me through this dilemma because I honestly don't know what right, right now. I lost something that was so beautiful and dear to me and I need it back. I've never felt and been so selfish in my life! Please Lord, I'm asking you to help me through this. Hopefully one day I'll wake up and realize what is best for me. I need you God I always need you, it's just now, this affecting me and it's breaking my heart.

Nobody Said it was Easy.

Probably the hardest part of my life by far. Picking a college thats right for me. My main concern is Nikki. ugh, honestly I don't know what to do. I have to pick one within the next 2 weeks. I love her to death and I see us going hella far. I want to be able to say," She's my 'High school Sweetheart'." I know deep down we could make us work. I learned from the mistakes I made and I could honestly say to myself that I'm changed and new person.

God I don't know what to do. I always go to Him for the answers I search for and that I could never find. I love you Nikki so much. I can't let you go. We shared too many memories together. It's you that I want and that will never change. I love you Nikki B.